textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
