ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
