hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
