oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
