nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
