I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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