just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
