she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
