your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
