He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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