I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
