a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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