They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize