____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
