I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
