I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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