did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
