can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
