strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
