please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
