singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
