Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
