I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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