So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
