she smelled like a LAN party
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize