How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
