The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
