a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize