so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
