we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
