Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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