i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
