oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
