So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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