I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
