Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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