Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
