First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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