I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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