I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
