i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
