Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
