he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
