The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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