and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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