I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
