I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
