Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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