thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
