before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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