Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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