I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
