It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
