I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
