i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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