so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
