he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
