i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize