my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
