God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize