I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
