we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize