FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
