At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We got so high we made milksteak
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
