I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
