Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you had me at cake vodka
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
