I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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