i just made my gag reflex go away.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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