Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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