I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
