I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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