I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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