just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
