i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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