how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
