If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
