Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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