If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
