Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my being single is dangerous.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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