I think I am morally bankrupt
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
