Umm I'm too high to move.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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