i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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