woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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