P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
