I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
