I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
