State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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