it's too hot outside to masturbate.
one two three fourrrrnication!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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