sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
