Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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