the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's the barista slut.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
