not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize