Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
honey bunches of taint.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
