You just made me feel so damn special
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
