I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
