who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
