How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
