The best revenge is premature balding
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize