I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
