We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
