I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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