You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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