how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
