P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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