this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize