I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
