Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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