you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
