I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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