Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize