To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
