It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
