I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
