...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
