I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
